I’ve been noticing a trend in my practice lately:
moms at all ages and stages of motherhood sharing that they feel stuck, disappointed in themselves and their bodies, and frustrated by their lack of “progress.”

When millennial moms talk about burnout, the conversation often focuses on external stressors—the mother-in-law who makes rude comments, the boss who has no boundaries, the constant background noise of the news cycle. And yes, all of those stressors are real and valid.

But in my work, I’m naming something else that is quietly fueling exhaustion and anxiety: the story we continue to tell ourselves about what motherhood should look like and who we’re supposed to be inside it.

This story tells us: 

• If we're tired, our bodies are the problem.
• If we're overwhelmed, we must not be managing our time well enough.
• If we're struggling, we must not be resilient enough.
• If our bodies don't change, we aren't dieting or working out hard enough.

And the wildest part of all of this? We reinforced this false narrative to ourselves and to other moms over and over again.

The Pressure Millennial Moms Put on Themselves

If you're like me and you grew up in the 90's and 2000's, you were raised on messages about productivity, achievement, self improvement, and the American Dream. Effort was rewarded. Pushing through was praised. Rest was something you earned after you proved your worth. Then social media arrived, and with it a very specific image of motherhood. This mom grew up with all that same pressure but she allegedly shuttles 3 children to all of their after school activities, makes hot breakfast every morning, tends to a charming little garden in her backyard of the house that she owns, goes to pilates 4x a week, has great sex with her husband, and still looks calm and refreshed every damn day.

So when we entered motherhood - a season that is inherently demanding, unpredictable, and physically taxing -this became the plot that we expected for ourselves.

We either explicitly or implicitly expect ourselves to: 

• Work out the way we did before pregnancy
• Look similar to how we did in our late twenties
• Function at work exactly as we always had (and still get that promotion!)
• Give our children our full attention 100% of the time
• Keep our kids constantly engaged with enriching activities that will help them get into Ivy Leagues
• Enjoy motherhood without grief, resentment, or frustration.

And when we can't meet those expectations, because literally no one can, we don't question the set up of the story.

We question ourselves.

Burnout Isn't Always About Doing Too Much

Burnout is often framed as a time-management problem: too many tasks, too little help, not enough boundaries. But for many millennial moms, burnout begins much earlier as an internal dialogue shaped by the plot we were handed. We hold ourselves to impossible standards that none of our foremothers were expected to meet. And when those standards inevitably fail us, we assume the failure is personal. To be clear: this script is not of your own making.

We absorbed it everywhere.

Think about the women we saw on TV growing up - polished, physically fit moms who put out elaborate breakfasts, excelled at work, maintained vibrant friendships, and were endlessly patient and nurturing with their children. Now think about how you and your friends were actually raised. Was that TV mom your mom? For most people, the answer is no. And yet, we were sold the dream anyway: If you work hard enough, you can do it all.

I hate to break it to you but that was never true.

The Millennial Mom Lie

Millennial women grew up in a unique moment in history. We were told we were the most liberated generation of women yet. That we would break glass ceilings. That we could “have it all.”

But we were also given a parallel message: that a working mother is a neglectful mother. That being too focused on your career would emotionally harm your children. That we needed to be more present so our kids wouldn’t feel the pain we remembered from long afternoons in after-school care.

Zooming out even further, we were also told: Home ownership would be attainable. Healthcare would cover our needs. A meaningful, stable career would be waiting if we just performed well enough. The world would become safer, fairer, more predictable.

One terrorist attack.
A prolonged war.
A recession.
A global pandemic.
And a steady erosion of women’s and human rights later...

We do not live in that reality. None of that is our fault. And yet, the myth persists.

We continue to expect ourselves to do it all and blame ourselves when we can’t.

Releasing the Story We Were Sold

Letting go of this narrative doesn’t mean giving up on yourself, your kids, or your values. It means recognizing that the version of motherhood you were promised was never real and deciding not to keep punishing yourself for failing to live up to it. Releasing this story often starts in small, uncomfortable ways. And many times, it's accompanied by grief first followed by a sense of relief.

It looks like allowing your kids to be bored without rushing in to fix it or fill the space. Boredom is not a parenting failure. it’s actually developmental necessity. It’s where creativity, independence, and emotional regulation begin. And it’s also where you get to exhale.

It looks like using childcare, leaning on family, or asking for community support without narrating it as weakness or selfishness. Humans were never meant to raise children in isolation. Needing help is not a personal shortcoming - it’s a biological reality.

And it looks like beginning to make peace with your body as it is now. Not forcing yourself to do crazy work outs when you are still sleep deprived (yes, even years after childbirth). Not demanding it “bounce back.” But allowing it to exist without constant criticism. Your body is not a project that failed. It is a body that has carried, nourished, protected, adapted, and continues to endure.

This is not about lowering the bar or doing less because you “can’t handle more.”

It’s about aligning your expectations with reality and choosing a version of motherhood that doesn’t require self-abandonment to sustain it.

A Different Kind of Strength

Millennial moms have been taught that strength looks like doing it all without needing anything from anyone. But real resilience often looks quieter.

It looks like rest.
It looks like adaptation.
It looks like saying, this story is hurting me and I’m allowed to step out of it.

When you release the pressure to live inside a false narrative, you don’t become less engaged, less capable, or less loving. You become more regulated. More present. More human. And that -far more than constant productivity or perfection - is what actually supports both your mental health and your children’s well-being.

If you find yourself stuck in cycles of guilt, self-criticism, or exhaustion, therapy can be a place to unpack which expectations are actually serving you and which ones you’re ready to release. I'm accepting new Clients in CA + FL. Book a free consultation to learn more! 

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