I was recently quoted in Wired magazine in a piece about what's being called the "sad wives of AI". These are women partnered with men who are consumed by the AI industry, whether they're building it, chasing it, or just unable to stop talking about it. (You can read the full piece here.)

The reporter asked me what I'm seeing in my practice. And I told her the truth: the tech industry's expectations for people who work with AI is relentless.

This was my quote in the article: "If you don’t respond to an email at midnight, you could wake up and not have a job. In this industry, you're reachable all the time. You're thinking about it in the shower, when you're having sex, it never leaves. And when it never leaves, something in the relationship starts to crack. It turns into this around-the-clock thing where neither partner is getting what they need. They're both building walls of resentment."

That quote got a lot of attention. But here's what I didn't have room to say in Wired which I think is the part that matters most if you're a mom reading this right now.

It's Not Just About the Marriage. It's About the Motherload.

Yes, the AI obsession is real. Yes, the emotional unavailability is real. But for the moms I work with, it's the mental load that is the killer: you are doing almost everything because your partner has his face in a screen.

While your partner is deep in Slack threads at 11pm, mentally calculating runway and doom-scrolling X for takes on the latest model release, you are handling the invisible architecture of your family's entire life. The pediatrician appointments. The school forms. Teacher appreciation week (MAYCEMBER!) and that picture day is Thursday and that you're almost out of the specific brand of yogurt the kids will actually eat.

You are the default parent, the household manager, the emotional regulator, and increasingly, the only adult in the room who is actually present.

And the worst part? Nobody asked you if you wanted that job. You just woke up one day and it was yours. Tah Da!!!! 

This is what I see in my practice over and over: moms who came in saying "I think we have a communication problem" and within a few sessions realize the real issue is that they have been quietly disappearing. Shrinking. Absorbing everything so that everyone else can function. And they are continuously on the bottom of the list of family priorities. But guess who is there to listen now 24 hours a day...

ChatGPT, the Therapist Who Shouldn't Therapy

Here's the other thing I told Wired that raised some eyebrows: a growing number of women are processing their marriages, and life in general, through ChatGPT instead of coming to therapy.

I understand why. It's free. It's available at 1am when the baby is finally asleep and you have twenty minutes to yourself for the first time all day. It doesn't judge you. It listens. Full disclosure, I have totally used Chatty (as I like to call her) for a bajillion different things.

But here's the problem: it agrees with you. Always.

That might feel good in the moment. You type out your frustration, your loneliness, your resentment and ChatGPT acts like the best partner ever. It reflects it back with validation. "It makes sense that you feel unappreciated. Your needs are valid. You deserve more. Your husband is an asshole."

And sure, your needs are valid. You do deserve more. But your husband (likely) isn't an asshole and validation alone is not healing. And it is definitely not growth.

Real therapy, the kind that actually moves the needle, is not about being told you're right. It's about being gently challenged when necessary for the purpose of healing. It's about someone helping you see the pattern underneath the problem. It's about sitting with the discomfort long enough to actually transform it, not just temporarily soothe it.

When ChatGPT validates your every frustration without ever asking "and what's your part in this?" or "what do you actually want your life to look like?", you don't move forward. You just feel better for a few hours, and then wake up the next morning to the same dynamic, the same resentment, the same invisible weight.

What Actually Helps

The moms I work with are smart. They usually have already done years of therapy and are super self-aware, and done with talk therapy that circles the same issues without ever getting to the root. They don't need more coping strategies. They don't need to be told to practice self-care. They need something that actually shifts the patterns that are keeping them stuck.

That's why almost everything I do is body-based and trauma-informed. This mental load is a nervous system issue, which is why you constantly feel fried, irritable, and exhausted. It's what makes your shoulders creep up to your ears the moment your partner walks in the door. It's what makes you brace before every conversation that might turn into a conflict. It's why you want to sleep so damn bad and then you end up starting at the ceiling for an hour before you can fall asleep.

Accelerated Resolution Therapy, Ketamine-Assisted Psychotherapy, Walk & Talk Therapy are not trendy add-ons. They're tools that help your brain and body work together to actually process what's been accumulating for years.

My clients often tell me this is the first time therapy has actually felt like it's working. Many of them came to me having already tried everything else.

If You Are Having a "OH THIS IS ME" Moment

Hey girl, no shame in leaning on Chatty a bit too hard. But what would it be like to have your marriage just be about your and your partner again? What if you could say everything that you really need and feel listened to? What would it be like to not be the only parent who is really in the room with the kids? All of that is possible. But we have to get you to a place where you feel ready to have that conversation. That's what happens with therapy with me.

Let's get your life back.

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